Hawgleg News Archive - 2006 < Back to previous page

On the road again
Murphy hits the highways and byways on the move to Indiana
Nov. 9, 2006 -- USA

Gutshot co-founder Mike Murphy is pulling up stakes, once again, and pulling out of Las Vegas (he swears there ain’t no jilted husbands huntin’ him down, and we’re gentlemen enough to take him at his word).

This time he aims to hang his hat up north in GenCon territory – Indianapolis, Indiana.  He pulled out of Nevada on Tuesday morning on his long and winding road trip (he had some undisclosed business to take care of near Denver, Colorado), and promptly started to phone in reports to Marshal Mitchell telling of the sights, smells and roadkill he’s encountered on the open road.

“Ah reckon it’s all those years I spent taking notes in our D&D games,” Mitchell said.  “But since he left most of his reports as voice mail, I actually transcribed his calls fer yuh.  Heck, I’ll even try to get some maps and other pictures fer yuh if I can.”

Please forgive misspellings or inaccurate info, he added. “Sometimes Murph talks a mite fast and it’s hard to make out exactly what he said.”

Also note that these are mostly verbatim transcriptions, and the terse phrasing is duplicated in the precision of his military-style reports.  A result of his many years in MI, we suspect…


Trip Details

Murph lit out on Tuesday morning and took the following route to his new digs:

  • Left Las Vegas on I-15 N
  • Took I-15 N to I-70
  • Took I-70 E all the way to Indianapolis (with a few side trips here and there)
  • Total estimated distance: 1,500 miles

Tuesday, 11/7/2006 -- 9:56 p.m.
(Sounding a bit tired, but mostly good)

“ Day One  Trip. Location: Cedar City, Utah at the Econo-Lodge.  Highlights of the trip. Didn’t get started until about 4 in the afternoon.  Last thing I loaded on the truck was 2 pounds of fine black powder. 

“Ate at Denny’s.  Nothing too weird to report, but I tried to play one of those machines with a claw that grabs the prize.  I tried it one time and it broke.  The claw dropped like a dead man.  

“Spy cats have been watching me and it’s not a pretty sight.

“Let me know if you know anything about what the election results are.  If we’re gonna have a new Speaker of the House tomorrow, call me and let me know so I can realize that the eyebrow plucking will begin.”


Thursday, 11/9/2006 -- 9:48 a.m.
“Day Two of the trip. I stayed in Glenwood Springs, Colorado.  Right at the base of the Rockies.  Getting ready to cross the Rockies. Sighs.  My previous day’s trip was through the hellhole that we call Utah.  If you want to know what Utah is like, think about Flatonia being an entire state and you have Utah.  There’s no other way to describe it.

“I have not found Uncle Buck’s Goth Chick Ranch, yet, but I did find the road exit to the Yellow Cat Ranch.  Sigh.  It continues. The sojourn continues.  It’s a never-ending quest.

“But Glenwood springs is beautiful.  It’s like a model railroad town.  And there’s mountains and trees and it’s quite nice.  And if more weirdness comes along I will tell you so you can post it.

“I haven’t seen any spy cats yet, but that doesn’t mean they’re not around.  I think cats here in Colorado are too suave and sophisticated to do their own spying.  And I’m too close to Aspen, so I think they hire dogs to do their spying.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”


Thursday, 11/9/2006 – 8:45 p.m.
(NOTE: This is the one time I actually took his report in person. He and I talked on the phone for about 30 minutes while I jotted a few notes.  So, most of this report is paraphrased.)

“Brush!  I’m staying in Brush!, Colorado.  It’s spelled: B-R-U-S-H-!  Yes, it really has an exclamation point in its name!  Really.  This is a nice suburb outside of Denver and it’s very nice here.  However, the Broncos suck and so does Denver.

“Denver is a big-time refuge for Cthulhu cultists.  You can just tell it by looking around.  I get the feeling that I’m being watched everywhere… and the streets.  If you walk down the streets, the streets don’t end.
“I caught a big fat yellow cat watching me.  I looked at it and it looked at me, and when I said, ‘Scamper off and tell Bast I’m here,’ his eyes got wide open and he immediately ran off to file its report.  What a sloppy spy cat.

“We made a side trip to Buffalo Bill’s grave on Lookout Mountain right outside Denver.  It was beautiful.

“The whole area is beautiful.  We did the whole Continental Divide and Eisenhower Tunnel thing.  The truck I had was doing a maximum of 9 mph up, and on the way down I was going 45 mph with my foot on the brake the whole time.  When I got to the bottom I had to pull over and wait for 30 minutes for my brakes to cool off.  They were so hot you could feel the heat standing a few feet away from the wheels.

“This has been a good trip so far.  I got out a day later than I had planned, but it’s been fun and there have been some interesting things along the way.  I’ll keep you posted, compadre.”


Saturday, 11/11/2006 – 11:01 a.m.
(Sounding very upbeat)

“Yee-haw!  Yes, you know who this is.  And I’m in Kansas.  I’ve been in Kansas.  I don’t think I’m ever going to leave Kansas.  Kansas goes on forever.  It’s like the road that never ends. 

“As a matter of fact, I’m on my way to Junction City, Kansas.  I’m going to stop at the Custer House and the US Cavalry Museum.  So I can get some really good pictures of some really cool places to put on the Website.

“Also there’s some weird things, too.  Did you know there’s a place here called Prairie Dog Town.  And they’re also coming up with a cowboy-themed amusement part.  Called Wild West World.  I hope to tell you if Yule Brenner is there.

“There’s some other strange things going on that I’d like to talk to you about later on… they’re kinda creepy.

“So far, I’m still alive.  I haven’t found Uncle Buck’s Goth Chick Ranch, but I run into one that was a potential goth chick last night at Montana Mike’s Steak house.  So, if I find anything or anything else comes up I’ll let you know.

“I’ll see if I can pick you up a tacky souvenir from the Custer place.  I don’t know if they sell imitation scalps or not, but if they do I’ll send you one, okay? All right, have a good one.”


Saturday 11/11/2006 – 9:52 p.m.
(Sounding exhausted)

“Trip report… (pause)  I don’t even know which day it is anymore.  I saw a dead cat on the side of the road.  I’m in Columbia, Missouri.  I should be in Indy tomorrow, Hopefully. Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.

“Stopped at Fort Riley Museum. Didn’t get a chance to see the Custer House… running too short on time.  But I got a chance to see a lot of Cavalry stuff and that was pretty cool.

“Then went to Wam- Wahm  (he stammered, trying to find the words) Wamego, Kansas.  Went to the Wizard of Oz Museum.  That was… interesting.  It reminds me of the deep dark nasty fantasies I used to have about Judy Garland as Dorothy, but I won’t go there.  But it was pretty cool.  Mostly cool.

“And the squirrels are weird.

“And, what else?  What else?  I-70 on Kansas the turnpike.  It sucks.  Trust me, it sucks.

“And what else… Oh good Lord (as though struck by the horror of it all).

“Stucky’s.  Someone took a Stucky’s and turned it into an adult bookstore.  And it’s just, just weird stuff.  We missed Prairie Dog Town.  I’m gonna try to see if they have a Website.

“I’ll call you later and let you know how things are going.

“Wish me luck.”


Sunday, 11/12/2006 – 12:34 p.m.
(Sounding upbeat but tired)

“Hola, partner.  It’s me.  I’m here, technically speaking.  I’m actually in Plainfield, Indiana.  Which is no relation to Eerie, Indiana or Plain Jane, Indiana, or combat airfield, Indiana.

“Waiting on the landlord to show up and take me over to the house.

“I passed by the Elvis is Alive Museum.  And I also realized that in Arriba, Colorado there is a place called Grampa Jerry’s World-Famous Clown Museum.  Good thing I didn’t see it or I would have wound up in jail from purging the town by fire!


“Lots of dead animals on the road.  There’s a place right across the road called “Hog Heaven.”  I don’t know what it is… I don’t want to know.  It could have something to do with motorcycles, or fat girls in thongs.  And if so, that would be Eric’s place.

“I’m here, it’s clear, it’s crisp, it’s slightly cool.  And it’s a wonderful thing.

“I’ll talk to you later.  Hopefully I’ll be back online at the end of the week.  If anything else cool comes around, I’ll give you a holler.”


Monday, 11/13/2006 – 11:38 a.m.
(Sounding upbeat and energetic)

“Hola, it’s me.  I’m here.  I made it.  I’m alive.  Started unpacking the truck.  Neighborhood is normal, although there’s a school across the street so I can always think about taking small children into child labor.

“No cats in the neighborhood that I know of, however, there’s a dog at the next door neighbor’s who sits a lot and thinks he’s a vulture.

“And there’s a lot of squirrels.  A LOT of squirrels.  Big.  Bushy.  Red-tailed squirrels.  Just staring.. And I think at night they’re going to call my name.

“I dunno!

“I’ll talk to you later!"

Final Note: Murph said he should be back online soon and looks forward to getting back into the swing of things, and also promises some great photos when he gets a chance to upload them.

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